Things That Helped and Hindered Recovery (Susan’s Version)
By Susan Smith
When my husband’s addiction came to light, my world felt shattered overnight. I was overwhelmed with grief, anger, confusion, fear, and questions I never imagined I would have to ask. Healing did not happen quickly, and it certainly did not happen perfectly. There were moments I wanted to run, moments I felt hopeless, and moments I wondered if trust, peace, or joy could ever return.
Over time, God began teaching me that healing was not about pretending I wasn’t hurt—it was about bringing my pain honestly before Him and allowing Him to walk with me through it. I learned the importance of boundaries, support, truth, grace, and finding my voice again. Some choices and perspectives helped me move toward healing, while others kept me stuck longer than necessary.
I’m sharing these lessons not because I did everything right, but because I know how lonely and overwhelming betrayal can feel. My hope is that something here encourages you, comforts you, and reminds you that healing is possible—even when the road feels long.
Things that helped my healing:
Drew a line in the sand…created a boundary of what I could not tolerate
Saw my husband apart from his sin
Prayed continually for God’s guidance and for Him to fight for me when I was too weak
Did lots of research (reading/videos) and study on sexual addiction together, not putting my head in the sand and just saying “it is my husband’s problem.”
Learned how to talk to my husband and listen to him without overreacting
At a time when it was hard to respect my husband, I learned to show him respect for his good qualities, apart from his addiction
Sought outside help: started seeing a therapist, joined a group, and went on a Recovery Retreat
Did not hide my hurt or true feelings as I had done in the past
Learned that my voice matters and I have a right to say what I feel
Used “I feel” statements rather than accusing “you did” statements and tried to speak in kind words and tones when possible (this required a lot of help from the Lord since I am fluent in sarcasm)
Things that hindered my healing:
Speaking sarcastically out of my pain
Demanding to know every detail
Being hard on myself for not healing faster or “getting over it” quicker
Waiting so long (6 months) to seek professional, mentoring or group help
Secluding myself from friends for fear they’d be able to tell something was wrong
Comparing my body to the images my husband had seen-even though this is a normal reaction, I let that rob me of my self-worth
If you are walking through the pain of betrayal and wondering where to begin, you do not have to navigate this journey alone. Healing takes time, support, truth, and grace—and there is hope for you, no matter how broken things may feel right now.
At Mended Mentors, we are passionate about helping women find healing, strength, and restoration through Christ-centered mentorship and support. Schedule a free consultation to learn more about resources, mentorship opportunities, and practical next steps for your healing journey.
